The Pork Chop Analogy

A few months ago, I posted a blog in which I promised to explain something I have affectionately named 'The Pork Chop Analogy'. It's been a while since that blog post now but I think you're all finally ready to hear the explanation as it is only fair.

The premise is pretty simple really. You just need to accept the fact that the pork chop is the most horrible and disgusting foodstuff in the entire world.

Never has anything graced my plate so tasteless, oily, tough, pale, fatty, grisly, chewy, bland and quite frankly, crap like a pork chop. It is the pinnacle of bad food. When I hear from mutti that tonight's dinner is Pork Chops, my heart genuinely sinks into the pit of my stomach, hoping it's digested before it has to provide the blood flow to digest the pork chop. To be honest, it just makes me sad, really sad and I can't explain why I feel so strongly about them. It's amazing to think that bacon, glorious bacon comes from the same animal as a pork chop does. The humble pig is food heaven and hell in the same entity, astonishing. I feel so strongly about pork chops that if I had the free time, I would campaign to have them banned but alas, no-one has that much time on their hands and pledging that my future children will never have to suffer it will have to do.

Now, that has been explained, back to the analogy. If you're looking for a wonderful insult to use, you can use 'The Pork Chop Analogy'.

For example: 'You're just a big pork chop' would probably reduce me to tears.

If you're having a bad day: 'That was a pork chop of a day' conveys the same meaning as 'That was a shitter of a day.'

And so on and so forth.

So, next time someone's giving you grief, tell them that they are a pork chop. Or not...

Boak.