Cake, Trains and Awkwardness

If you are reading this blog then I think a massive congratulations is in order because you have managed to stick with my boring blog for another day. As a reward, I'm going to try and make this blog a little bit more 'exciting' or at least bearable and don't worry, your very own imaginary medal is on its way to you.

I didn't think jet lag was possible with only a five-hour time difference but apparently it is. As much as I told my body that it was not cool to wake up at 7.20am, I was wide awake, with a complimentary winter cold courtesy of a passenger on my British Airways flight. See, not all complimentary services on airlines are fun. Feeling icky, I hunted for paracetamol in the black hole that is currently my luggage before finally settling back down for a few more hours kip.

Eventually woke up at half ten and grabbed a yoghurt for breakfast and a throat lozenge. I finally managed to get connected with my beloved Facebook and message my friends which made me a lot happier before speaking to my Mum and Dad on the phone. Then, we made plans to sign the contract for my flat, get a SIM card for my phone and buy new straighteners and hairdryer because my own couldn't heat a slice of bread. Stupid, unnecessary expense and voltage. Pfft.

So, wrapped up to the absolute max, with a T-Shirt, jumper, fleece and winter coat, we ventured outside and I can safely say that the volume of snow is unbelievable. There are cars just covered in the stuff so they look like little snow houses (whatever they are) and the paths are slippy too (naturally). Sadly, I found this out the hard way because to my horror, I slipped and fell not once but twice. Luckily, my cousin and his flatmate were the only ones to see but how horrifically embarrassing it was and on my first day. However, I have accepted that it was probably the first of many and I'm hoping I can develop ninja skills to avoid falling for life. Or at least get a reasonable sense of balance.

Eventually, after what seemed like a trek across the Himalayas, we made it to the office of the agency who's organising and letting my apartment, which in itself was a tiny top-level apartment, whereby the only access to it was up a very steep set of metal stairs. As I think back now when I looked at it, I'm surprised my life didn't flash before my eyes because this was the definition of lethality and it looked and felt like a ladder. Taking the plunge (or not) I made it up okay but I was conscious of the fact that I wasn't out of the woods yet because I would have to go back down them in a few moments. I managed to sign the contract for my flat and set a time of 4.00pm to move in on Tuesday, allowing enough time to hopefully recover from a boozy night from before. Then, I had to tackle the stairs again. When you're going down something precarious, you often take it slowly at first but then as you get closer to safety, you rush down the stairs and that's when the accidents happen. With this in mind, I probably went at the speed of a drunken snail down these steps but I made it down, with every bone in my body still intact. Now, got to touch wood for the rest of the exchange period now. I'm quite superstitious you see...

Then, we went across the road to 'Fido', a mobile network service and got my SIM card for my phone. Now, as I have had the pleasure to discover things about Canada, the first thing is that you get nothing for free here. And they have crazy laws, legislation and in general, ways of doing things. My first brush with this was when I found out I have to pay to RECEIVE calls, which, to be quite honest is just mental to me. I mean, could you imagine paying everytime you got a PPI call at home? I don't think so. With this in mind, I got an unlimited package, which is actually more expensive than what I was paying at home, which brings me to my next point. I thought Canada was going to be cheap like America but oh no, don't be silly, it is WAY more expensive. So, I think the dollar shops will be my favourite haunts here (Oh, they exist).

We then decided to catch a Metro at the Mont Royale station and go to Atwater. The metro stations are the main way to get around Montreal and are very similar to the Glasgow Subway except it looks more aesthetically pleasing and it didn't smell like piss. Luxurious, I know. The metro is incredibly fast. You literally get ten seconds to get on the train before the doors close on you, which might sound a bit harsh but it means they are actually incredibly punctual and efficient. The trains also have wheels on them which I found amusing, the reason being so that the ride is a bit smoother for passengers. The advertisements on the Metro are hilarious too, with Viagra and Sex Shops being splayed all over posters for the whole world and his mum to see. No shame. We got off at the main metro station, lovingly known as 'Berri' before switching lines and getting on another metro. A good thing about Montreal is how cheap their Transport System is to use, especially with it being so good. When we got off, I didn't know what was at Atwater but when we got off the train and went through some double doors, we were suddenly in a shopping mall. All was well until my cousin lovingly described it as Montreal's Savoy Centre (if you know what I mean).

However, I feel that this was an unfair analogy as it wasn't anywhere near as bad as all those dingy little stalls in the Savoy Centre. Another thing in Montreal, is that all the shops have an English equivalent and you can compare. For example, the shop that I went into to get my new hairdryer and straighteners was the equivalent of a Woolworths. I was quite impressed with the price of my new hair-styling attire and then that's when the sad thing that is the sales tax they add afterwards was added to the bill. It makes me so sad seeing what was a bargain become an expensive item, which made me wave goodbye to approximately C$100 of unbudgeted funds. Very sad.

We then went to IGA, which is like a supermarket chain similar to Tesco or Sainsbury's, except it is so much more expensive and the fruit and vegetables must be genetically modified because onions are roughly the size of babies' heads. We did a bit of grocery shopping where I discovered that Canada do have Fajitas, unlike I had been informed. Over the moon does not even describe my feelings.

Before heading back home, we went to a small Chinese patisserie, which sold cheap cakes. As you can imagine, instantly, we were sold and sat down with a cake and coffee (although I obviously didn't have any coffee because I consider it quite rank). I had this bun with a cherry on top and inside was roughly a whole jar of strawberry jam. It was very nom.

We then headed for the Metro to go home and got off at a stop called Place Des Arts where all the art galleries are situated and the art festivals are held in summer. This was by far the prettiest area I had been in so far and you could see the skyscrapers in the distance. It was lovely. We got on the 80 bus which was included in the metro ticket price (hence the value for money) and got back to the apartment.

Now, the worse thing about wrapping up to the max to brave the elements is when you are inside, you feel hotter than the sun. Sweating like a bitch doesn't even cover it, it was disgusting. And my hair... it was like Kate Bush, it was out to my shoulders and curly and frizzy. So, jumping into the shower was the best thing ever and as soon as I had straightened my hair, I felt like an Amy again. Fabulous.

We had Fajitas for dinner (which were so fucking good, I can't even tell you) and then we sat back and watched the lovely film, Black Swan, which is not exactly a sit down with the family and enjoy sort of film. All was well and good until the masturbation and lesbian sex scenes come on. No matter who you are with, it's fecking awkward. Then, we watched Sex and the City, which had vibrators in it and then the commercials had vibrators too and it was just awful, I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. Too many vibrators...

So, I think with that in mind, Canada and me are going to get along fine as we both obviously do not have any shame. Excellent!

Bleak.

Let me set the scene. I decided I was going to go for a nice walk today. A nice, virtual walk on Google maps from HEC (the university) to my apartment on Avenue de Kent (which is said to be about a ten-minute walk but by my standards, that's probably twenty-minutes).

I was quite enjoying my walk, there was a lot of greenery and nice houses. Eventually, after a number of clicks, I arrived at Avenue de Kent.

Looks quite green!

And then, I looked back to see how far I had 'walked'.

Not bad, not bad.

And then I turned onto my street.

Sadface.

Thanks Google Maps, thanks. I despise Winter.

You must be barking!

Today, the family and myself decided to take a trip to Sainsbury's in Kingsgate for a wee swatch at the new store. It's absolutely massive and sort of scary. Having lived in East Kilbride for seventeen years now, it's strange not to see the familiar brick-styled building...

However, I digress. The thing I want to discuss today involves an advertisement that we saw at the roundabout near Sainsbury's, on a billboard. Travelling at speeds of 30 m.p.h, it was slightly difficult to get a good quality photo but I did try my best.

Now, the photo is incredibly fuzzy, so I do apologise but luckily, I managed to decipher most of it and make it onto the website. All I can say is that what I've read so far is nothing short of ridiculous.

Maythorne Cottage is the name of a new, 'luxurious' dog kennel situated between East Kilbride and Strathaven. And when they say 'luxurious', they ain't half kidding. Here is a little excerpt which will hopefully convey my meaning.

"Every dog will have its own Dog Room which will have a half double glazed domestic upvc door. The flooring will be soft vinyl, with 65% of this being under floor heating, leaving the remainder of the area as cool spots for the dog's comfort.

Each Dog Room will have a wall mounted television (just like home) as well as speakers that will carry soft music for daytime comfort.

The rooms will be tastefully decorated - if your dog would be more settled with its own home comforts, feel free to bring along its own bedding and toys etc.

There will also be a second door leading into an Open Room where the dog can sit and look out over views of the beautiful countryside. This Open Room will have double-glazed French doors, which can be opened in good weather and closed during cold spells. The dogs will be secured within their own space at all times even when the French doors are open.

In addition to all of the above, the Open Room leads to your dog's own private garden, which is laid to lawn and chips."

I mean, THIS IS JUST INSANE. Absolutely insane and I have some points I would like to raise. Most dogs don't even have the mental capacity to follow simple instructions, let alone understand a full episode of Eastenders (although, really, who could?). And honestly, would a dog actively choose to sit and admire the 'beautiful view'? Especially considering that you have to tell them to sit half the time? I think I'll believe it if I see it. It's just all a bit bizarre really. In fact, this isn't a kennel, this is a proper dog's hotel, a holiday for dogs. I must admit, I've stayed in worst rooms than the ones described on the website.

However, as much as I am ridiculing it, the owners do sound like they genuinely want the dogs that stay there to be comfortable and happy with their arrangements and they've definitely thought about everything. I know it myself with Biffy, the woman who owns the cattery he stays in is one of nicest people you'll ever meet and a total animal lover, which makes us feel happier.

So, with all that being said, does anyone want to book a room? Sounds like a lovely place to stay!

Here's the link to read at your own leisure.

http://maythornecottage.co.uk/