I have no idea why I felt the need to write 'Olympics' in a style vaguely Jonathan-Ross-esque but I like it and I feel that it should be adopted hereafter as the official pronunciation of the word.
That hideous patriotic side of me is threatening to come out again so here is an advisory warning for you people who vomit (either metaphorically or literally, preferably not literally though) at the sight of flags, national pride and anthems. You have all been cautioned.
My opinion on the opening ceremony: Bloody marvellous. I'm not sure if it's because I am a patriotic bastard or because I could understand the premise but I thought it was genius. When Daniel Craig walked into the Queen's office and there was a little, elderly hobgoblin sitting at the desk, I was like 'Could it? Could it really be her?' And it was. Right in front of my eyes, I saw the Monarch of our country, the head of the commonwealth, the woman's whose face is manhandled by cashiers and is licked by letter-writers everyday acting in front of billions. It was a genuinely lovely moment. Then she parachuted out of a helicopter... (By the way, I totally kid about the Queen being a hobgoblin, I think she's lovely).
However, as I had accepted that my life would probably not get as complete as it was at that moment (which actually thinking about it, is genuinely sad), Rowan Atkinson took the Gold Medal in life-completeness. I'm not even going to discolour the moment with words, for they are not enough to describe the fantastic-ness of that skit. He is a God, 'nuff said (along with Cheese, Stephen Fry and the internet).
The torch was definitely the most impressive part though. My whole family was ooh-ing and ahh-ing. I think my father was more moved by the ingenuity of the torches than me (which is a hard feat). It was just fantastic.
Not going to lie though, I am gutted David Tennant never lit the Olympic flame. I was so sure it was going to happen, especially after I saw a whole orchestra wearing converse and the sound of the TARDIS during the musical part of the show. I feel deceived to be quite honest. There is no way I can watch that episode now and believe it's going to happen. But alas, I guess things happen for a reason (or in a parallel universe).
So, the ceremony went perfectly, nothing had gone wrong. But, as it was finishing without a hitch, motherfucking Paul McCartney showed his old mug. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate and have great respect for The Beatles, they are one of music's most finest acts, their songs are sublime and they rightly deserve their fame (and massive fortune no less). However, we all need to realise that there comes a time to retire. And I think the time is now, Paul. He buggered up the beginning of 'Hey Jude' in front of billions, a song that he has no doubt performed thousands of times in his career and it was just cringe. Pure and utter cringe. It made me feel sad. So fuck you Paul McCartney *shakes fist.
Now that I have finished shaking my fist, I can now tell you all that I went to see the Olympics Women's Football today at Hampden. It was group G who were playing featuring the countries of USA, Colombia, France and... Democratic People's Republic of Korea. Better known as North Korea. (Or according to Greg, Best Korea).
I did not find out that I was seeing North Korea until I arrived and it was a major honour, I mean, I actually got really excited. Not many people can say they've seen a North Korean football match, let alone seen one in action and it was awesome (even if they did lose five-nil to France, I'm sure Korean propaganda will follow in the same style of Kim Jong-Il's eleven holes in one and publicise their score as 41-nil). They all looked like men though, that is all I will say.
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