Well, like a bad penny, you've turned up again...

Right now: Florence and the Machine - 'Never Let Me Go'

Yet again, as the title suggests, I am back (although I'm not the real slim shady, hence why I have not stood up). And this time, I truly am a bad penny. The reason why?

I broke a mirror hence I am inflicted with a bad luck curse common to all mirror breakages.

Normally, I am not usually that superstitious. Back in my hey day, I was known to juggle three black cats whilst standing in new shoes on a motorised table that drove under numerous ladders... but enough of my automated and frankly, strange and imaginary shenanigans, this is another story for another time...

However, ever since I broke this mirror, bad things have happened. And I don't mean bad things such as 'zohmygawd, I broke a nail' or 'Fuckmylife, I can't go out tonight because I'm so skint'. I mean, the pinnacle of ill luck, the pork chop of bad things. (The pork chop is a long and complicated reference that again will be explained another time and another day. Jeez, I need to keep some suspense in my writing, you understand that right?).

Dramatic Reconstruction of event

Firstly, the day after the mirror broke, right in the middle of my online French lesson, my laptop inexplicably and unexpectedly shorted out and wouldn't work. I discovered the fault as a hard drive failure and have literally only just gotten it back. Worst part? The machine is less than three months old and is already going wrong. This has not filled me with a lot of confidence in Dell, especially if it goes wrong in Canada, where I will be monumentally and irrevocably screwed!

Secondly, last Wednesday, after much drinking and hilarity at Jane's Spring Break Party, I inexplicably twist my ankle. I barely remember doing it, except vomiting and blacking out due to pain. (And I mean pain, I do not do either things when under the influence of vodka. All I remember is frozen falafel being applied to the affected area and asking to go home. So to add to my boredom, being sofa-ridden with a buggered ankle has meant a more avid viewership of Wimbledon that previous years.

Thirdly, finally and possibly most heart-wrenching of all, I couldn't make it to T in the Park this year. I'm sort of numb about it, not sure it's numb because of the gutterment of the situation or the thought of the many hundreds of pounds that I may as well have shredded, grinded and thrown into the wind as the ashes of a possibly better financial outcome but I know it does suck. A lot. (Insert sad, lonely and moping sentiment here).

So, as I'm sure you are acutely aware, I have been crippled (literally) by bad luck in the last three weeks. However, whilst not superstitious, I do believe in the power of three (Charmed Reference for the win) and I believe luck comes in threes. So hopefully, fingers, toes, limbs and ear lobes crossed, this will be the end of my bad luck. And it wasn't as if it was a big mirror. I believe the degree of bad luck should be based on the size of the mirror, it's the only fair way.

However, one silver lining has come over this. I have four days off work to enjoy myself and do absolutely fuck all.

Actual events: Which are always considerably less exciting...